Rain, Rain Here to Stay...
It is pouring today, a proper Seattle-in-October rain. When I took my son to preschool this morning we suited up in our rain boots and raincoats and carried an...umbrella. I had to chuckle as we stood there waiting to go into school when I realized we were the only ones. This may seem strange to anyone else that does not live in Seattle but the majority of Seattleites do not carry umbrellas. My entire four years at UW I never owned an umbrella. I would walk with the masses of umbrella-less students all over campus in my REI parka, hood pulled tight over my head, drenched everywhere but my torso and unflinching. Growing up here you kind of learn to be one with the rain.
I finally became a habitual umbrella carrier somewhere in my late twenties, and it was probably more of a sartorial decision than a practical one. I finally decided I didn't want to wear the same outdoorsy rain shell from REI with my work clothes or heaven for bid dress clothes (another sure sign of a Seattleite).
So alas, if you are in your thirties and still find yourself braving the rain without an umbrella this is the one to keep in your bag, car or at work. (For home we have this larger stick umbrella.)
And not just for damp days, if you still don't have a classic trench coat in your wardrobe, this is a great one...
And finally, I LOVE my Sorel rainboots that I got last October. But these Rag and Bone moto ones are a bit of a step up and look pretty fantastic...
You Need A Budget
One of the most life-changing things I've done this year is finally taking Omar's advice and start using You Need a Budget. I cannot recommend it highly enough. It gives such a clear overall picture of where our money is (and goes) and has completely changed our relationship to money and how we make future plans like saving for a vacation or retirement. Plus since both A and I are self-employed, we can also easily track the overhead for our business accounts, set aside money for estimated tax payments, expenses etc all under the same umbrella as our personal stuff so we finally have a good overall picture of where we stand. All that is super good and important but the real kicker? It is actually really fun to use. It's like my kind of video game.
No need for me to tell you more since Omar wrote a perfect write up about it here. So go read that and then go use it. Seriously.
Now I'm trying to find room in the budget for this beauty from Clare V...
And these oxfords...
Black or blush?
Begin Again
Beautiful vintage indigo cloth from Marine Area 7
A few years ago my friend Rita gave me some sage advice that I still carry with me on a daily basis. I had mentioned how I was frustrated at the time that I had fallen off my own regular Pilates routine. I was re-hashing how maybe it was because I had a toddler at home and was juggling so much and that finding time for self-care no matter how much we enjoy it can be challenging...blah, blah, blah. Typical me, trying to find an explanation as to "why" beating myself up a bit in the process.
Rita wisely said, "We just begin again."
So here I am, two months absent from my last post, beginning again.
This week definitely feels like a new beginning. Today my son is back on his regular preschool schedule. This week also marks a new schedule change for me at the studio which allows me to better balance my home life/work life/husband's travel schedule. The weather here is incredibly beautiful - bright sun without a cloud in the sky but a not insignificant chill in the air. Change is coming.
The last two months have been full of home improvement projects. The kitchen of course (post on that forthcoming) and the exterior got a new coat of paint...
I've been happily spending all of my free time working out in the yard, cutting back plants and hauling and spreading mulch and wood chips. And for the first time I got it together to do a fall planting and put some kale and chard starts in the ground.
Working solo in the yard has also served as a bit of a refuge from the challenge of parenting a four year old who over the last few weeks has more resembled a mad king. At least that's how it feels. So far, four years old feels especially contradictory in that the highs are really high, magical even, where I can't believe my luck getting to be with this little person. But the lows are low, exposing what can feel like the worst in ourselves. Impatient and ungraceful. But the beauty therein lies that even when I am not my best self, tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning.
A huge bright light in the last few months has been discovering this not new podcast, On Being. I have much to say about what a pleasure it is to listen to Krista Tippett and the thoughtful conversations she has with thinkers, artists, scientists, writers. But for now, it isn't a stretch to say that it is life-changing.
I am enamored with these Japanese towels I picked up at Canoe while we were in Portland last month. We have a small bathroom and no room for a proper towel rack, just hangers on the door so these quick to dry, soft and beautiful towels were a big upgrade. Plus they take up hardly any space in the linen closet.
I'm also in love with my new Hario kettle and teak trivet (also from Canoe)...
It was time for a new pair of wool slippers...
And a new pair of boots...
This Everlane shirt also just arrived on my doorstep and it is pretty perfect.
Parenthood
I began writing this intending to talk about Jenny's post back in April about Catherine Newman's book Catastrophic Happiness, which I promptly added to my reading list. But I kept staring at a blank page unable to write. Feeling tapped out.
Life the last two months has felt rather full. Wonderfully full. But I've been doing a lot of "just keep your head down and let the momentum carry you" in an effort to keep myself from feeling overwhelmed.
My husband has been traveling nearly every week over the the last two months. Doing all the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, Lego building, preschool drop off and pick up and the bedtime routine solo and trying to keep my own teaching schedule going is proving to be a bit of a challenge. That said, as much as I feel overextended I feel equally grateful. We've paddled through some tough waters as we both ventured out to be self-employed right before the recession hit and everything tanked. And here we are a handful of years later on the other side of it, with a great deal of work that is meaningful to each of us. We are profoundly grateful.
We are busy with work (just as everyone we know seems to be), and are in the thick of the child rearing years. There are never enough hours in the day to get it all done, nor will there ever be. And the things I'd like to do for myself quickly fall by the wayside - my own Pilates exercise, meditation, dance class, reading a book, writing a blog. I know that will change down the road. But right now I am working on fully embracing just being "in it."
“Life isn’t about avoiding trouble, is it? It’s about being present, even through the hard stuff, so you don’t miss the very thing you’re trying so hard not to lose. I understand all at once the title of a Zen book I haven’t even read: Full Catastrophe Living. That’s what I’m doing. It’s the full catastrophe, and I’m in it, and if I wait for it to be over, well, it will be over.”
So go on and read Jenny's post and if you need even more summer book reading recommendations, her latest post is just that.
A few other little things...
More Catherine Newman, I also really love this article she wrote in the NY Times a while back about the importance of giving kids your undivided attention...or none at all.
And from the NY Times last week...
"The Chinese philosophers saw the world as one of endless, shifting relationships. That’s why they emphasized that we have influence over the trajectory of our lives when we focus not on who we are, our plans for the future, and self-assertion, but on learning how to relate well to others.
Caring for one another is hard work. It requires endless awareness, adaptation and responsiveness. But it is one of the most important and rewarding things we do. This is not just how our children will become better people and live better lives. It is how they can create a better world."
I am really enjoying listening to podcasts, especially Here's the Thing with Alec Baldwin. In the most recent one with Michael Pollan, Pollan talks about one of the best ways to remedy a picky eater - get them cooking in the kitchen.
I've also been wanting to share a bit about my son's 4th birthday party we had earlier in the month, especially the slow-roasted side of salmon I served which is a foolproof recipe everyone should know. I have a handful of favorite skincare products I'd love to talk about, loads more recipes and I finally found a really great, good-looking outdoor umbrella stand. I hope to get to all that soon.
80° in Seattle...in April
It has been over 80° in Seattle the last four days. For those of you not from here, this is pretty much unheard of around these parts...in April. Summer in Seattle is glorious but we usually have to wait for those warmer temps until after July 4th. Needless to say Seattleites are walking around like it's a party, flocking to the beaches of Lake Washington during the day on a Monday.
My husband has been traveling non-stop so I've been taking more time off from teaching the last few weeks to hang with my boy. We've not done much else lately except plant in the garden, indulge in popsicles and watch Octonauts. I don't have too much else to report although here are a few things occupying my mind this week...
Well said Kurt.
I'm really digging the looks of this sweater. And this tie-front shirt.
Our house is west facing and we're up off the street so we get a lot of sun exposure. We've planted our rockery and parking strip with lots of sun-happy, drought tolerant plants like rosemary and lavender. This "Helmsdale" spanish lavender is my favorite variety. After the first year, it is totally hands-off. I never cut it back and it maintains a soft, full shape. The flowers are a deep purple and the scent is heavenly.
Given the warmer temps, we've been having big salads for dinner every night this week. Our Heath salad bowl is our go to. It is shallow and 13" in diameter and makes for a perfect presentation. I'd like to make this beautiful salad in it next...
I've also been bringing out my old standby Gap denim jacket a lot lately. Mine's a few years old but it is just like this one. It is soft and not too fitted so I can easily wear a hoodie underneath it.
I've been consuming a lot of my favorite local Kombucha these days which makes a good stand-in for cocktail hour...
I've also been making Sarah's Goji Berry Lemonade (though I subbed maple syrup for the sweetener). I prefer it with with lemons but had some extra limes that needed to be put to use...
And finally I've been thinking a lot about this quote from Andy Puddicombe...
“One of my teachers used to say “Always keep death by your side.” At first glance that could be seen as rather gloomy, even comical. But it has real depth. Life races by, we miss so much, caught up in all the busyness of the mind. We go to bed and assume we will wake up. We wake up and assume we will go to bed at the end of the day. In doing so, we take our life for granted, we get so caught up in things that we miss the opportunity to connect with those around us in the way we would like to. But if we remember our mortality, we start to appreciate the preciousness of life, we become more calm, have more perspective, and are more able to affect positive change in the world.”
From here.
Valentine's Day Poems for Married People
Thank you New Yorker. We were crying laughing reading these:
When we have children,
They will watch no television.
No screens.
We will be different from those other parents,
And we will take pride in our being better.
Fast-forward seven years,
And it’s Sunday morning,
6 A.M.
Do you know who our friend is?
SpongeBob SquarePants, that’s who.
And, yes, you can have Mentos for breakfast.
***
The kids are finally down
And you are looking at me in that way,
But not really looking at me.
Tease.
Or are you just spacing out?
Yup, you’re spacing out.
You have unzipped your skirt,
And your baggy underpants ride way, way up on your hips.
How old are those, anyway?
You pull on some sweatpants and a T-shirt and a sweater and a fleece and I am not able to make out any contour of your body at all.
I think you are sending me a signal in the way that married couples send each other signals.
And, just so we’re clear, you’re signalling, “I’m going to call my sister and order sushi. You should do something, too.”
***
We are in the bedroom in our underpants.
Let’s turn the lights down.
No, further.
“Off,” I guess, is the technical term.
Maybe try a towel under the door, where that sliver of light is coming in?
What if we just cuddle, and by cuddle I mean not actually touching—
Each of us at the far edge of our own side of the bed—
Then close our eyes for the next seven hours or so?
I like you.
Read the whole thing in its entirety here and Happy Valentine's Day!
Project Girl Crush
I first learned about Project Girl Crush when my friend April was featured on the site. Project Girl Crush "began as a reaction to the way women judge ourselves and each other" and features some very cool women in Seattle.
“Project Girl Crush tells a woman’s whole story. We believe that women should connect with one another more, and that the best connections are made through honesty. We believe in a world that listens to a woman’s story, complete with the enviable, the perfect, and also the flawed, the insecure, and the incompetent. Because telling the whole story is how we connect.”
Read more about the project here and then make your way through the list. Aran Goyoaga (whom I have long admired) is a favorite, as is local Seattle legend Linda Derschang, April Pride Allison, Rachel Demy and Linnea Gallo.
Recharging
I have about a dozen draft posts saved but nothing fully written. I've been hibernating a bit the last few weeks recharging. I started the new year feeling exhausted and it was time to go back to the basics of good self-care which for me includes taking a break from coffee, a break from the news, putting myself in bed by 9:30pm and doing my daily Pilates exercises. It's working. I'll be back soon but in the meantime...
These IDLF selvedge jeans look pretty perfect.
And some reading material...
An oldie but a goodie from last fall if you missed it, Sherry Turkle's NYT article "Stop Googling. Let's Talk."
"We've gotten used to being connected all the time, but we have found ways around conversation - at least from conversation that is open-ended and spontaneous, in which we play with ideas and allow ourselves to be fully present and vulnerable. But it is in this type of conversation - where we learn to make eye contact, to become fully aware of another person's posture and tone, to comfort one another and respectfully challenge one another - that empathy and intimacy flourish. In these conversations, we learn who we are."
“Studies of conversation both in the laboratory and in natural settings show that when two people are talking, the mere presence of a phone on a table between them or in the periphery of their vision changes both what they talk about and the degree of connection they feel. People keep the conversation on topics where they won’t mind being interrupted. They don’t feel as invested in each other. Even a silent phone disconnects us.”
The value of solitude is something that speaks to me personally so this passage especially resonated with me...
"In solitude we find ourselves; we prepare ourselves to come to conversation with something to say that is authentic, ours. If we can’t gather ourselves, we can’t recognize other people for who they are. If we are not content to be alone, we turn others into the people we need them to be. If we don’t know how to be alone, we’ll only know how to be lonely...when we are secure in ourselves, we are able to really hear what other people have to say. At the same time, conversation with other people, both in intimate settings and in larger social groups, leads us to become better at inner dialogue."
You can also find her book here.
When Breath Becomes Air
I first learned about Paul Kalanithi when I read his essay in the New York Times two Januarys ago. His book When Breath Becomes Air comes out next week.
Paul's widow Lucy wrote a profoundly moving piece My Marriage Didn't End When I Became a Widow in yesterday's New York Times. The beauty in her words ripped me apart. Grab a box of tissues.
Also read Andy's post about Paul.
Find When Breath Becomes Air here.